I need to know...
Now that I am officially beginning my training as a general surgeon, I am fully cognizant that I have a responsibility to my colleagues to conduct myself with the utmost professionalism and decorum. No longer can I hide behind the flimsy excuse of being a mere medical student, gauche in demeanour, the lowest constituent on the totem pole. I am now a first year general surgery resident, and along with the title "Doctor", I now possess the proud rank of second-to-lowest on the aforementioned totem pole.
Henceforth, post-operative exchanges with my non-English speaking patients will no longer transpire thusly:
Young(ish) Surgeon-in-Training: Good morning, Mr./Ms. X! Have you passed gas today?
(A look of confusion crosses the patient's face.)
YS-i-T: Uh, have you had gas from down below?
(The patient continues to look confused.)
YS-i-T: Have you farted today?
(Refer to previous patient reaction.)
YS-i-T (in increasingly louder tones): Have you farted? Farted. FAR-TED? (now gesturing towards her ample derriere, fervently hoping that her actions will not be misconstrued as sexual harassment and lead to a career-ending lawsuit)
(The patient smiles pleasantly, then nods)
At this point in the conversation, the entire ward has heard our young doctor say "fart" at the top of her lungs. Patient confidentiality has fallen by the wayside. But it has all been worth it. The most vital information has been obtained. The rest of the interview can continue. And then, a cold wriggle of doubt snakes its way through the self-congratulatory euphoria.
YS-i-T (guardedly): Are you going to nod at everything I say?
(The patient nods, continuing to smile serenely.)
And so this is my request. If you can speak another language, other than English or French, please send me the following:
1. The translation and phonetic pronunciation for "Have you passed gas today?"
2. The translation and phonetic pronunciation for "Have you had a bowel movement today?" (I would rather not have to yell "POO" or "SHIT" at the top of my lungs again, thank you very much)
3. The translation and pronunciation for "yes" and "no"
My colleagues thank you. My pleasant, but understandably confused patients thank you. And most of all, my dignity thanks you.
Henceforth, post-operative exchanges with my non-English speaking patients will no longer transpire thusly:
Young(ish) Surgeon-in-Training: Good morning, Mr./Ms. X! Have you passed gas today?
(A look of confusion crosses the patient's face.)
YS-i-T: Uh, have you had gas from down below?
(The patient continues to look confused.)
YS-i-T: Have you farted today?
(Refer to previous patient reaction.)
YS-i-T (in increasingly louder tones): Have you farted? Farted. FAR-TED? (now gesturing towards her ample derriere, fervently hoping that her actions will not be misconstrued as sexual harassment and lead to a career-ending lawsuit)
(The patient smiles pleasantly, then nods)
At this point in the conversation, the entire ward has heard our young doctor say "fart" at the top of her lungs. Patient confidentiality has fallen by the wayside. But it has all been worth it. The most vital information has been obtained. The rest of the interview can continue. And then, a cold wriggle of doubt snakes its way through the self-congratulatory euphoria.
YS-i-T (guardedly): Are you going to nod at everything I say?
(The patient nods, continuing to smile serenely.)
And so this is my request. If you can speak another language, other than English or French, please send me the following:
1. The translation and phonetic pronunciation for "Have you passed gas today?"
2. The translation and phonetic pronunciation for "Have you had a bowel movement today?" (I would rather not have to yell "POO" or "SHIT" at the top of my lungs again, thank you very much)
3. The translation and pronunciation for "yes" and "no"
My colleagues thank you. My pleasant, but understandably confused patients thank you. And most of all, my dignity thanks you.
posted by Shalaya Tantra at 7:44 AM
0 comments
